Hush Hush
by kimie-dk
Summary: The end of Lucci and Paulie's relationship was very sad. Now they need to keep it Hush Hush... forever.


**Hush Hush – LuxPau Songfic (Lu POV)**

This fanfic is a Valentine's gift for my darling Kano-chan s2  
I hope you like it, sweetheart s2 Maybe it's too sad...  
It is, in fact, but the most beautiful love is also the saddest one...

I love you so much ;*

* * *

_I Never Needed You To Be Strong  
I Never Needed You For Pointing Out My Wrongs  
I Never Needed Pain, I Never Needed Strain  
My Love For You Was Strong Enough You Should Have Known_

This was the end, so.  
Surely, not the perfect end that he imagined for such a long and passional relationship, but it was an end indeed.  
Good or bad, it was the end. Paulie was there, laying on the floor. So shocked and confused.  
Staring at Lucci incredulously, not wanting to accept the truth.  
His eyes were in such pain... such disbelief... so hurt.  
Lucci couldn't look at him. It made him feel bad for everything.  
For having to complete that fucking mission. For having to hurt his previous friends.  
But what could he do now...? He was just feeling kinda angry.  
He was just trying to confort himself by repeating stupid sentences inside his head, like "I never really liked you" or "I never needed you".  
It was just a scape from the unbearable reality he was in right now.

_I Never Needed You For Judgement  
I Never Needed You To Question What I Spent  
I Never Ask For Help, I Take Care Of Myself,  
I Don't Know Why You Think You've Got A Hold On Me_

Yes, that is it. He didn't want Paulie to judge him.  
He also didn't want him to understand the situation.  
It was better if he'd just hate him and forget everything.  
Lucci didn't need Paulie's help, neither comprehension.  
Though he felt sorry for disappointing him, he couldn't help but think that the poor man NEVER got a hold on him.  
He was never as important as he thought he was... loved, yes, but... not essential to Lucci anymore.  
Now he was the brutal government killer again. Not the friendly shipwright.  
Not his former friend or lover. He had a task to accomplish.

_And it's A Little Late For Conversations  
There Isn't Anything For You To Say  
And My Eye's Hurt, Hand's Shiver,  
So Look At Me And Listen To Me Because_

Even if Lucci indeed wanted to turn back time...  
Even if now he regreted what he had done to Paulie...  
Even if now he wanted to give up, he couldn't anymore.  
Certain hurts are too deep to be forgotten.  
No one would listen to him now, to his apologies or excuses.  
There was nothing to be said anymore. Just silence remained.  
His eyes were hurting. His hands were shivering. Shit...!!!!  
He never thought that hurting a person would be so bad.  
He never realized how much he loved that man before.

_I don't Want To, Stay Another Minute  
I don't Want You, To Say A Single Word  
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush  
There Is No Other Way, I Get The Final Say Because,  
I don't Want To, Do This Any Longer  
I don't Want You, There's Nothing Left To Say  
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush  
I've Already Spoken, Our Love Is Broken  
Baby Hush, Hush_

Lucci just wanted to finish that and disappear.  
Go somewhere he'd never be found by anyone.  
Run away, leaving behind his heart and memories.  
It was being too painful for him... much more than he expected.  
And thanks god Paulie seemed to have guessed his feelings somehow, because he remained silent during all that time.  
Maybe he was so hurt, too... or maybe just the words had flown away from him.  
Anyway, a broken love was so heavy to carry alone, after all.

_I'm Sorry For The Way I Let Go  
From Everything I Wanted When You Came Along  
But I'm Never Beaten, Broken or Defeated  
I Know Next To You Is Not Where I Belong_

He knew this was the worst way to break up with someone.  
But hurting Paulie would be the only way to make him figure out.  
He loved him too. But Lucci will never have a normal life.  
He is a murderer. So, how can he long for happiness??  
How can he love like others?? He doesn't deserve this privilege.  
So... even wanting, he can't stay. He doesn't belong there, in his world.  
In his world of ships, singing, drinking and making love.  
Is too much of a happy world for a government agent.

So goodbye, Paulie.  
This is it. Or that was it.  
Let's keep it hush hush... forever._  
_


End file.
